Finding school

Z loves to run.

This week Z was offered a place at a school, but not just any regular mainstream school. Z will be attending a special school. This was a tough decision to make, and took me a while to come to terms with.

The reason I wanted to get Z’s diagnosis so urgently was, knowing he would be starting school and the desperate panic to get him the support he needed. I had no idea where to start with this. I’ve never done it before so I didn’t even know how to apply to a mainstream school, never mind how to get him help. I’d always said how lucky I was to live so close to a good selection of primary schools, there’s really quite a few only minutes from our home. I should have been spoiled for choice really. But as Z got older and school got closer, I just knew they wouldn’t meet his needs.

So how could I force him into an environment I knew would be wrong for him? This was a big talk between me and Daddy Z. We had to look at all of our options - mainstream school and try to get him help, or special school. I knew a little through research and talking to Z’s nursery that I needed to get an EHC (Educational Health & Care plan - which I will go into detail about another time as it’s a mighty long process that I’m not through yet).

For a while I was determined that he’d go to mainstream school and I’d find a way of getting him one to one support. I wanted him to have the same start as everyone else. But really, I knew that Z would find a class of up to 30 other kids overwhelming. He loves to be able to stand up and move around, something he wouldn’t be able to do at mainstream school. I felt that even if he had a one to one helper, he would find it hard to sit at a desk and concentrate on a lesson. I knew that forcing him into that environment would result in meltdowns, anxiety and in the end he would suffer. He would be ‘the naughty kid’ and I couldn’t bare that. Z is a loving, caring boy. He is full of happiness and endlessly curious. He loves to observe the world around him and he takes in so much.

Special school...that realisation was hard. I was hanging on to traditional expectations, it hurt to know I couldn’t give Z the ‘normal’ school experience that I’d assumed he’d get. The biggest help to get over this was to visit the schools. I took Z along to every school we visited. The decision then became so easy. Any mainstream school I took him to was a struggle. He would cry as soon as we walked in. The staff - although all very lovely - were generally loud and would immediately try to talk to him. Z prefers when people stay back, keep calm and don’t say much more than ‘Hello’ to start with. Every school seemed worried about taking Z. I appreciate their honesty but it was upsetting. When I’d ask if they have any other autistic children I’d be met with comments like ‘Yes, but not as severe as Z’ or ‘Yes but they are struggling’. Mainstream schools were less likely to have a space where Z could go to calm down if he had a meltdown or needed time away from a class. But as soon as we walked into our first special school, he was calm, in fact, he was happy! He walked around the school, went into classrooms and interacted with other children. The school was actually bloody awesome. It had sensory rooms, a hydrotherapy pool, specialist equipment. Their classes weren’t put together in the traditional age ranges but rather focused on ability. I don’t think I’d ever changed my mind on something so easily. I was so much more confident and comfortable with our decision, it turns out special schools were far more like the schools I wish I could have gone to.

Now if I meet any parents trying to make this decision, my advice would always be to visit the schools (ideally with their child), make notes, ask questions, look for recommendations and mostly to not disregard special schools or feel like they are failing. These schools are honestly impressive.

Sarah x