Meltdown
Disclaimer : I won't ever take a photo or video of Z having a meltdown (unless it was needed for medical reasons maybe) and I don’t like to see parent’s that do that and broadcast it online, it’s a time that an autistic child/adult is at their most vulnerable, it’s not naughty behaviour, it’s not controllable and it’s distressing. But I am more than happy to talk about it so as to spread more understanding as I see it.
For Z meltdowns started at a really young age. He was probably around 12-18 months old when I started to think this is different to just a temper tantrum. He’d react really badly if he was told no or we did something he didn’t like, for example if we sang to him or surprised him. At the time I’d put it down to him not getting his own way, and like any parent would do, he’d get told off for it. I feel so guilty now for not realising sooner, I’d made the situation worse because I didn’t know what he was experiencing.
For Z meltdowns in the first few years would be crying, screaming, hitting his head on a wall or the floor, he seemed to become out of control and it could last from a few minutes to half an hour or more and they would happen a few times per day most days. They could happen anywhere at any time, I understand now that’s probably because he was experiencing a lot of things for the first time, trying to process shopping trips, loud noises, strange smells, new places, crowds, it must have been exhausting for him. I once read that babies struggle to block out background noises, this is how I imagine it must feel on the build up to a meltdown. Most neurotypical people can ignore background noises and just focus on key things, like someone talking to you, however my understanding is that is much harder to do on the autism spectrum.
Since his diagnosis last year meltdowns have improved a lot, he doesn’t have them as often, he can normally go for days sometimes a week with none or at least a very small one. They’re still just as heartbreaking to see and I can only imagine how it feels for him. He’s stopped hitting his head but now he does hit me a lot, it’s probably my fault for getting too close but it’s very hard not to just scoop up your child who is in such distress and remove him from whatever situation it is. It is upsetting to me that he lashes out at me when I just want to help, we’re definitely still figuring out the best approach. Unfortunately it seems that just waiting it out is the only thing to do. I can’t talk to him through it because the words just mustn’t make sense to him. I can try to explain to him that everything is ok or we’re going to do the thing he wants to do in just a minute but it makes no difference.
Since his diagnosis last year meltdowns have improved a lot, he doesn’t have them as often, he can normally go for days sometimes a week with none or at least a very small one. They’re still just as heartbreaking to see and I can only imagine how it feels for him. He’s stopped hitting his head but now he does hit me a lot, it’s probably my fault for getting too close but it’s very hard not to just scoop up your child who is in such distress and remove him from whatever situation it is. It is upsetting to me that he lashes out at me when I just want to help, we’re definitely still figuring out the best approach. Unfortunately it seems that just waiting it out is the only thing to do. I can’t talk to him through it because the words just mustn’t make sense to him. I can try to explain to him that everything is ok or we’re going to do the thing he wants to do in just a minute but it makes no difference.
Z also has really bad reactions to a shock or accident, his body tends to shake and it’ll then trigger a meltdown, a few times I’ve thought he was about to have a seizure - I have called 111 about it when it’s happened and they’ve reassured me it was a reaction to shock, his paediatrician is also aware. It’s always worth checking and double checking these things.
I’ve found that explaining what we’re going to do helps a lot to avoid triggering meltdowns. I’ve tried visual timetables but he never really took to them, it might be time to try it again now he’s a bit older. But giving him lots of warning about what we’re going to do next always helps. So I’ll tell him in the morning if he’s going to nursery for example ‘Nursery soon’ then ‘clothes on, nursery soon’ then we need to allow him time to finish what he’s doing ‘last Teletubbies, then nursery’. Doing things like this has really helped avoid meltdowns trying to get out of the door, because that was one of our biggest battles, I was constantly late for work or appointments because I hadn’t prepared Z enough about what was going to be happening.
One of the best articles I read on autistic meltdown was this one by Michelle Swan. I really recommend it to get an actual insight to meltdowns. Michelle’s post really just made it click for me what Z must be experiencing and just how out of control he must be feeling.
Michelle writes; “everything is suddenly louder. it was loud before but now it’s like there is an extra megaphone inside my head and it hurts when a sound flows through it. hurts in my whole body. right to my core. and ricocheting back out again to my skin.
the sound is slower somehow, but piercing. the words are clear but I can’t sort them out, so I can’t answer. the only words I can find are “I need a minute” but they aren’t true. I actually need you to not talk to me at all for the next hour or more. I don’t really know how long it will be until I can think in words again, but it isn’t now.
you are trying to help because you care and you can tell something is wrong. I know you think you know what is wrong, and you are right that what you saw happen was part of it, but in truth it is a small part. that is just what happened outside my body. the real challenge is getting through what is happening in here that no one else can see or hear or feel and that I can’t explain.”
Please, read it.
She’s also written a blog about how to help someone through a meltdown which is definitely worth reading too. You can read this here.
So for now, although meltdowns still happen and we’re still trying to find the best way to help and support Z, at least I have a better understanding of what it is, although I can never truly know what he is experiencing, I can try to remain calm, quiet and there, waiting to give him as much help and love as he needs on the other side of it.
Sarah x
I’ve found that explaining what we’re going to do helps a lot to avoid triggering meltdowns. I’ve tried visual timetables but he never really took to them, it might be time to try it again now he’s a bit older. But giving him lots of warning about what we’re going to do next always helps. So I’ll tell him in the morning if he’s going to nursery for example ‘Nursery soon’ then ‘clothes on, nursery soon’ then we need to allow him time to finish what he’s doing ‘last Teletubbies, then nursery’. Doing things like this has really helped avoid meltdowns trying to get out of the door, because that was one of our biggest battles, I was constantly late for work or appointments because I hadn’t prepared Z enough about what was going to be happening.
One of the best articles I read on autistic meltdown was this one by Michelle Swan. I really recommend it to get an actual insight to meltdowns. Michelle’s post really just made it click for me what Z must be experiencing and just how out of control he must be feeling.
Michelle writes; “everything is suddenly louder. it was loud before but now it’s like there is an extra megaphone inside my head and it hurts when a sound flows through it. hurts in my whole body. right to my core. and ricocheting back out again to my skin.
the sound is slower somehow, but piercing. the words are clear but I can’t sort them out, so I can’t answer. the only words I can find are “I need a minute” but they aren’t true. I actually need you to not talk to me at all for the next hour or more. I don’t really know how long it will be until I can think in words again, but it isn’t now.
you are trying to help because you care and you can tell something is wrong. I know you think you know what is wrong, and you are right that what you saw happen was part of it, but in truth it is a small part. that is just what happened outside my body. the real challenge is getting through what is happening in here that no one else can see or hear or feel and that I can’t explain.”
Please, read it.
She’s also written a blog about how to help someone through a meltdown which is definitely worth reading too. You can read this here.
So for now, although meltdowns still happen and we’re still trying to find the best way to help and support Z, at least I have a better understanding of what it is, although I can never truly know what he is experiencing, I can try to remain calm, quiet and there, waiting to give him as much help and love as he needs on the other side of it.
Sarah x
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