Starting School

Z's first day, before we got his proper uniform.
Carrying a feather he found.

This was the week I’ve been dreading for months. Starting school. When we first went to see the school and accepted a place there we’d talked with staff about getting plenty of settling in time before Z started. He’d go to visit in July, spend some mornings or afternoons there, get to meet staff and become familiar with the school. We’d then spend his first week in September settling in and building up to going in full time. I felt confident that Z would be just fine there. Then of course, COVID happened. Everything became uncertain for everyone.

The school had to basically shut down and was functioning as best it could to fit with government guidelines which meant there would be no settling in time in July. They couldn’t even be sure when they would reopen, so even his start date wasn’t certain.

We’ve all spent months being in this same state of confusion and uncertainty, unsure what awaited us when things ‘returned to normal’. For me, school became a massive hurdle that I’ve spent so much time worrying about and building up in my mind. Starting this stage of life was always going to be a big deal for me personally even without the added stress of COVID. Not only is it a big change emotionally for us as parents but even more so with the stress and worry of finding just the right school to help with Z’s needs.

Eventually we were given a start date for Z. So that was it, marked down in the calendar, the BIG DAY. Z’s school was great though, always answering emails if I needed to ask anything, they sent out a book with photos in which we read at night so he could see all the places and rooms that he’d go to. I was never sure just how much he understood but he would ask to read the book together and he’d look at a few of the photos, mostly interested in the hydrotherapy pool - I’m so excited for when he gets to try that out! The older kids would start a week before so they could all have time to transition into their new rooms which gave us a week for a last minute holiday to Anglesey. Something I was desperate for after months of being unable to go anywhere, it gave me the time to relax before Z’s start date. 

So the dreaded Monday arrived, I’d got everything ready, uniform (apart from those that we were unable to collect from school), bag, spare clothes, tuck money. Z even put his uniform and school shoes on with no fuss. The shoes I’d dreaded because he can be so sensitive about his footwear. We gave Daddy Z a kiss goodbye and off we went. Waving and saying "goodbye nursery" as we went past. We pulled into the car park (we’ve all been assigned bays) and waited for a member of staff to come to us and collect him. This was the part I was most nervous about. I had no idea if Z would go in without me, and I wasn’t allowed to take him in. Part of the COVID restrictions is we’re to wait in the car while staff take the children in. After a little wait, a member of Z’s teaching team came to us. I got out of the car and opened Z’s door, sure enough after some chatting he just climbed out of the car, said hello and took her hand. He gave me a kiss and I explained I’d see him later. Off he went. Looking back over his shoulder to look at me. It was the weirdest feeling. I was so sad he was being taken away but overwhelmingly proud that he was being so brave and calm. A few staff asked if I was ok as I watched him go in, tears in my eyes!

Spending that day at home without him was strange. I partly enjoyed being able to crack on with the things I needed to do but the quietness of the house was bizarre, something I haven’t really experienced often since he was born. I missed my little buddy, constantly looking at the clock and wondering what he was up to right now. I couldn’t wait to go and pick him up. Back on the car park to collect him, I was so nervous about how his day went. When I saw him coming down the carpark hand in hand with his teacher I was so chuffed. They said he’d had a great day, eaten well, been involved, chatted a lot.

The week pretty much went well. The only bad day being Tuesday when he wouldn’t get out of the car. I’d eventually had to get in and carry him out which resulted in screaming and crying. I’d had to watch as two members of staff carried him in arm in arm while he screamed. That was totally heartbreaking and despite knowing it was always a possibility. And although I had a cry in the car park and again at home, I have to remember that’s just part of what we go through, it’s not everyday. I know what had gone wrong that morning and I made sure it didn’t happen again and bingo, the rest of the week was fine. If I stay calm and assess what happened, I can tweak the routine until we get it right, make it as easy and calm as I can for Z. 

That aside, we’ve had great feedback from school - although I’m desperate for more details, I understand at the moment, staff can’t stand around for a chat. I’ve been told Z enjoyed Maths class where they hunted for gingerbread men, went for a walk, has done PE and enjoyed sensory stories.

I just can’t wait for the day that he can tell me about what he’s been doing.

Sarah x