Due Date - Nearly Here!

The impossible task - a photo of me and Z

As I approach the last few days/weeks of pregnancy I just wanted to reflect on what a different experience it has been this time. I've spent my last trimester on furlough from work, I'm actually really grateful for that time to try to relax even though I've had Z at home while school has been shut down. Most of my days I've felt guilty for not being able to do more with Z and it's been very monotonous - although he's pretty happy with this new routine - but there's just some days that I have no energy to push for home schooling or thinking up fun activities. I'm so lucky to have Daddy Z mostly at home now to help me when I just can't carry on and need to curl up in my bed for a while. 

Bump at 35 weeks

I feel huge. But a different kind of huge than I was with Z. I'm just a giant bump right now that's struggling with back ache and walking like a penguin. With Z I was massive ALL OVER - I'd had to take off my wedding ring after my first trimester and I got some really bad carpal tunnel syndrome which later developed into de quervain's tenosynovitis (problems with the tendons from my wrist into my thumbs), which meant picking up newborn Z was a struggle, even lifting the kettle was really painful. However this time my wrists have been fairly good and I'm feeling so much more movement from baby, it's amazing to see my bump moving around and changing shapes, guessing if it's an arm or a leg poking out!

I'm constantly between excited and scared. I guess the fear is mostly around the birth experience, with Z it was long, extremely tiring and pretty scary at times, resulting in an emergency C-section. At least this time I know that anything can happen, birth doesn't always go to plan, so I'm willing to embrace whatever happens. All that said, I know that all the fear and worry is just instantly gone as soon I get to hold my baby, this is the moment I'm most excited for. 

The first few weeks will definitely be a massive adjustment for us all. I'm really nervous to see how Z reacts to having a sibling around. Some days he talks about baby, he likes to climb into the cot that we've put in his bedroom which we've explained will be 'baby's bed', he seems fine about just now (might be different when baby is actually in there). I admit that I'd hoped he would be back at school before the baby arrives, giving us both much needed time to get into routines and settle but that's not going to be happening for a few more weeks yet, at least it gives us all bonding time together as a family. 

There is a lot to worry about in pregnancy, whether its birth, counting movements, massive changes in body and hormones, pains and now the added fear of Covid, but mostly I'm trying to treasure these last few weeks - every movement, kick, hiccup, even the stretch marks (thankfully I'm recycling most of them from the first time round). I love that Z will come up to me and touch my tummy and say 'baby's tummy' and sometimes even gives it a kiss (melting my heart). I'm so grateful for Daddy Z too, who brings me snacks, takes over when I'm too tired or picks up sushi for me every time he goes to Tesco. Lockdown pregnancy is different, but I'm so glad that I'm spending my time with the one's I love the most in the world. 

Sarah x