It's been a minute

 

Well I intended to be a bit more regular with blogging this year, but it's been one thing after another and I just haven't had the time or energy to really stick with it so far. It's not for lack of things to talk about, it's just been a matter of finding a moment. Currently baby L is napping and Z is playing his new love 'The Adventures of Sackboy' on the PlayStation. He had it for his 6th birthday in February and is still mad on it so far. He spends a few hours on that then back to his other favourite 'Lego Jurassic World'. He's gaming mad and part of me is super proud of how well he does on games, despite not being able to read he figures it all out with a little encouragement from his Daddy. The other part of me is desperate to get him outdoors more and experiencing nature, but his PDA is strongly affecting his need to control things right now and going outdoors is rarely an option without PLENTY of warning and preparation. Even then he still gets worried and tells us 'it's too dangerous out there' - a line he has been scripting from 'The Mitchells vs The Machines' for a while now. 

I started back to work in January after my maternity leave. It was HARD.  Firstly it was hard to leave baby L at nursery, he was not impressed. Some day's I'd pick him up and he'd literally blank me, like, not look at me, not even smile to see me (don't worry though, he absolutely loves it now and beams when I go to pick him up). Secondly, I was exhausted. We weren't sleeping much at all with L being restless and waking through the night. Then we'd be up at 6/6.30 to start the day. I dropped L at nursery around 8.15, Z at school for 8.30 then I'd be at work by 9. I wouldn't get back to pick L up until nearly 6pm. Then it was the marathon to get the kids to bed for 7(ish), get tea and then collapse and do it all again the next day. Thirdly, baby L was ill, ALL of the time. Constantly picking up colds and because of covid policies, was being sent home or unable to go into nursery. Literally every week from January to the end of March has was missing days of nursery due to illness which meant I was missing days at work too. We even caught covid a few weeks back, it was miserable and I DO NOT recommend it. It took weeks to get back to normal, I'm only just now not out of breath from walking up the stairs. 

Fourth and probably the hardest part, I had a really awful experience at work a few years ago, and going into the building and having the constant reminder of what happened there along with being almost completely alone there all day (I was the only person on my floor and there wasn't much need for anyone to come visit me) was just too much. I stuck it for two months before I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't keep crying and being miserable anymore, so me and my husband decided it was best that I leave. It's horrific timing with the rising costs of living right now and I question most days if I've made a horrible mistake and should have stuck with it longer. But my mental health is hugely better for this decision AND I'm really excited to be setting out on my own as a photographer. I'll share the details on that more soon! I can finally start putting what happened behind me and move on, and hopefully bring a little happiness into other people's lives.

This week, Z's school year group is shut down because all but one member of staff have covid, so he's got a lovely three weeks off now! Wish me luck trying to get him outdoors occasionally!!

Anyway, hopefully I'll update the blog a little more when I get chance, I'm not putting pressure on myself to do it, but I just wanted to say, I'm still here, still got things to talk about. 

Sarah x